Escape Into My Reality.

Sooo Moosey and Greg show up this morning at like 11.. and crawl into bed with me. and i was so so angry lol i wanted to sleep cuz i got home at like 7 am from work and wanted to sleep til like.. dinner time lol.. so they wake me up and beg me to come to pride.. and i really didnt wanna go.. but i went anyways.. and i am SO GLAD I DID!
i had the best time of my life! I laughed so much i got a charlie horse in my side haha now that was fuckin hilarious.. we got some amazing pics.. and i saw a whole shit load of naked men and ladies.. it was a blast.. i am in such a good mood cuz of it ahahha.. i gotta work tonight.. on 3 hours sleep.. and i am not happpy lol but that is life.. i get to sleep all of tomorrow til i gotta pick  up dave to get his car! yay go me haha

its been an interesting few months to say the least.. a lot is changing.. some for the worse.. some for the better.. but i honestly cant say i couldnt be happier..  meds kick ass :)

anyyyways.. im off to work with a big smile on my face CUZ TODAY KICKED ASS!! lol i am going to pride EVERY YEAR hahaha it was so amazing..

LOVE YOU ALL
haha
<3 Manna

~* Nikki *~ says:
omg that would be perfect
~* Nikki *~ says:
maybe he would leave us alone then
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
and stop thinking we’re friends with him when secretly we want him to come down with shingles and di
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
die*
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
haha
~* Nikki *~ says:
hahaha
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
ok thats too harsh..
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
ok.. come down with uhmmm.. syphillis.. so it eats his brain and makes him crazy
~* Nikki *~ says:
how about just have his hands and legs cut off so he cant leave his house or contact us? lol
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
haha YES! perfect haha



~* Nikki *~ says:
omg they are just horrible
~* Nikki *~ says:
i think they should all pass stds to eachother
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
well.. then again. living their lives with them just having eachother and once they all break up they are left with no one is punishment enough hahaa
~* Nikki *~ says:
this is true! because we all know it will happen
~* Nikki *~ says:
sooner or later
~* Nikki *~ says:
and then they'll be alllll alone.. and ugly lol
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
lol hopefully its sooner than later.. and the ugly part is already a given haha

•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
lol lets throw eggs at him
~* Nikki *~ says:
hahahahah
~* Nikki *~ says:
eggs and boots ... because boots hurt haha
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
lol rocks are better
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
and easier to hurl
~* Nikki *~ says:
oooo yeh
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
haha imagine getting smoked with eggs and rocks by two girls?! hahahaha
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• this girl is passed out haha leave some love.. says:
oh fuck thats hilarious ahaha

make a big scene
make this glass house my coffin, you
missed the big picture
but it's the words that you're coughing up
out on your sleeve
so forge my sins here in song
well i'm telling you now
what you've known all along

and it's tired, so true, more
subtle than you, there's
a lull in the stereo
it's calling for you (calling for you)
it's calling for you

well i'm a slave to my vices (it's true)
they've all been (re)
renamed as your crutch
so drag my name and my face through the mud
you're better at confronting me
(you're better at confonting me)
show us just how vicious you can be
do what you came here to do
(do what you came here to do)

trigger, finger
gets you pointed in
the right direction,
my new-found discretion

it's not a lie if you believe it
it's no mistake if it's always repeated
it's not a lie if you believe it
it's no mistake if it's always repeated
it's not a lie if you believe it
it's no mistake if it's always repeated
(shall we call it quits or just wait)
it's not a lie if you believe it
(even, even if my last name rhymes with)
it's no mistake if it's always repeated
(your rescue of hear say, do not say you know)
it's not a lie if you believe it
(call me out, it's such a lie)
it's no mistake if it's always repeated

but i don't need to hear it from you
what's another word for?
i don't need to hear it from you
what's another word for?
i don't need to hear it from you
what's another word for?
don't need to hear it from you

It gets easier with doses of time
(easier with dull sense of time)
easier with doses of time
(easier with dull sense of time)
easier with doses of time
(easier with dull sense of time
easier with doses of time
show us just how vicious you can be to me

~* Nikki *~ says:
aaaak
~* Nikki *~ says:
its back
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• says:
aaaaah
~* Nikki *~ says:
fuck
~* Nikki *~ says:
lightning
~* Nikki *~ says:
shit shit shit
~* Nikki *~ says:
weather.ca says "severe thunderstorm watch for halton-peel"
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• says:
you're scaring me..
~* Nikki *~ says:
imma cry... and vomit
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• says:
stop it lol
~* Nikki *~ says:
lol sorry
~* Nikki *~ says:
i hate thunder SO much
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• says:
so do I lol
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• says:
it makes me pee
•°o.O.Manna.O.o°• says:
lol

will it all be okay?
in a year will you forget about me?
was this all worth it?
is this pain ever gonna go away?
i dont want to live without you..
yet i am forced to.
how is this fair.

i miss you..
and it sucks..
why does it seem everything i do is wrong?

BEST PARTY EVER!!
we all had fun.. no drama.. nothing broke.. no cops were called. good music.. lots of alcohol.. i had a blast
thank you to everyone who actually had enough decency to show up. .and those who didnt show up but let me know... thank you.
the ones who didnt show up.. said they'd come. and didnt call and cancel? fuck yourself.

lost and broken
hopeless and lonely
smilin' on the outside
but hurt beneath my skin

my eyes are fadin'
my soul is bleedin'
I try to make it seem ok
but my faith is wearin' thin

so help me heal these wounds
they've been open for way too long
help me fill this soul
even though this is not your fault
that I'm open
and I'm bleedin'
all over your brand new rug
and I need someone to help me sew them up

I only wanted a magazine
I only wanted a movie screen
I only wanted a life I'd read about and dreamed
and now my heart is an open wound
and now my life is an open soul for all to see

but help me heal these wounds
they've been open for way too long
help me fill this soul
even though this is not your fault that I'm open
and I'm bleedin'
all over your brand new rug
and I need someone to help me

so you come along
I push you away
then kick and scream 4 you to stay
cuz I need someone to help me
oh I need someone to help me

to help me heal these wounds
they've been open for way too long
help me fill this soul
even though this is not your fault
that I'm open
and I'm bleedin'
all over your brand new rug
and I need someone 2 help me sew them
I need someone 2 help me fill them
I need someone 2 help me close them up...

Here's the rules of the game:

1.) Reply to this post and I’ll write something about you.
2.) I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3.) I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4.) I will tell you my first memory of you.
5.) I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
6.) I’ll then tell you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
7.) Then post this in your own journal.

So do it!!!

Back in school they never taught us
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is just beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life is going to Hell!

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
Everyone's caught on to
(and I can't let you let me down again)
everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)

So is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever

Is that what you call a getaway?!!
Well tell me what you got away with!!
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish!!
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids!!
Have another drink and drive yourself home!!
I hope there's ice on all the roads!!
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then again when your head goes through the windshield!!

(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...

Oh no don't go changing
that's what you told me from the start.
Thought you were something different that's when it all just fell apart,
like you're so perfect
and I can't measure up
but I'm not perfect
just ALL messed up!


I was losing myself to somebody else,
but now I see
I don't want to pretend,
so this is the end of you and me
Coz the girl that you want,
she was tearing us apart
coz she's everything,
everything I'm not.


It's not like I need somebody
telling me where I should go at night.
Don't worry find somebody,
someone to tell how to live their life.
coz you're so perfect,
and no-one measures up
you're all by yourself
and all messed up.


I was losing myself to somebody else,
but now I see
I don't want to pretend,
so this is the end of you and me
Coz the girl that you want,
she was tearing us apart,
Coz she's everything,
everything I'm not.


now wait a minute,
because of you,
i never knew all the things that I had
dont you get it?
im not goin anywhere with you tonight
coz this is my life

I was losing myself to somebody else,
but now I see,
I don't want to pretend,
so this is the end of you and me
Coz the girl that you want,
she was tearing us apart
Cus she's everything,
everything I'm not.

ok.. im pissed..
im in bed. finally, a night i fall asleep before fucking 8 am.. and i hear my phone.. i ignore it. it goes off again.. i ignore it.. the third time i decide to pick up.. and nothing.. so i hang up.. just as i fall back asleep, it goes off again, so i answer, again nothing.. so i hang up. this happens to me 7 FUCKING TIMES! SEVEN!
WHO CALLS SOMEONE PHONE SEVEN TIMES TO SAY NOTHING!?
FUCK YOU!
some people have to sleep you fucking assholes! who do you think you are!?
fuck.. i am so pissed..

wellll.. this week has been eventful.. very stressful but in the end, my god, it was worth it.. justin left me as many of you know.. for a 'best friend' of mine.. which is cool cuz he can have fun with her lies and drama which are ten times worse than mine..so i spent all week depressed until this weekend. this weekend helped me a lot and not only do i feel better about myself, i am happy period. lori and i are talking things through and guess who im friends with again? vicky! after a year of being blinded by a friendship i thought was true and real which ended up being a big lie, it opened my eyes to see how horrible i did treat vicky and how she never deserved it. .and thank god, she has forgiven me and now i can be a part of her, mikes and liam's life again!! :D
im job hunting all of this week.. im gonna have a full time job by the end of next week even if it kills me lol i need to grow up.. start establishing myself.. start paying off some shit.. and just. .maturing..it's gonna take some time but in the end, i know it's all gonna be worth it... :)

it's all up from here now baby!

I'm feeling mean today
Not lost, not blown away
Just irritated and quite hated
Self control breaks down
Why's everything so tame?
I Like my life insane
I'm fabericating and debating
Who I'm gonna kick around

Right now
Can't find a way
To get accross the hate
When I see you

Right now
I feel it scratch inside
I want to slash and beat you

Right now
I rip apart the things inside
That excite you

Right now
I can't control myself
I Fucking hate you

I'm feeling cold today
Not hurt just Fucked away
I'm devastated and frustrated
God I feel so bound
So why'd I feel the need?
I think it's time to bleed
I'm gonna cut myself
and watch the blood hit the ground

Right now
Can't find a way
To get accross the hate
When I see you

Right now
I feel it scratch inside
I want to slash and beat you

Right now
I rip apart the things inside
That excite you

Right now
I can't control myself
I Fucking hate you

You open your mouth again
I swear I'm gonna break it
You open your mouth again,
Oh God I cannot take it

Shut up, shut up, shut up or I'll Fuck you up
Shut up, shut up, shut up or I'll Fuck you up
Shut up, shut up, shut up or I'll Fuck you up!
Shut up, shut up, shut up or I'll Fuck you up!
Shut up, shut up, shut up or I'll Fuck you up!
Shut up, shut up, shut up or I'll Fuck you up!

Right now
Can't find a way
To get accross the hate
When I see you

Right now
I feel it scratch inside
I want to slash and beat you

Right now
I rip apart the things inside
That excite you

Right now
I can't control myself
I Fucking hate you

I Fucking hate you [x4]
I Fucking hate you (Shut up!) [x3]

Shut up!

well things are looking up from the other day..
im getting things in line.. working on the shit i need to.. i have a bunch of job interviews next week for full time.. its about time i start workin on myself and making everything better than what it is..
its kinda sad that me losing people who mean something to me, to help me realize what im lacking in life.. but all is well.. i will be better within no time.. and than life can only go up from this rock bottom fall i've taken :)

well he left me.. should i be surprised? i doubt it.. once again, i dont make someone else happy.. and im left here broken hearted.. crying.. and hating myself even more for losing someone so perfect for me.

5 am SHOULD not be seen on a Saturday fuckin' morning..

i'm sorry for everything i've ever put any of you guys through.. i have realized in the past few days how much of a bad person i really am and all i have to offer is an apology..
im sorry..
good bye.